Stand Down!

"Everything is a dangerous drug except reality, which is unendurable." Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974), "The Unquiet Grave", 1945

I can no longer control my frustration and anger. I almost hit someone tonight. Got up and raised my hand in anger, not just "oh, I almost hit him I was so mad".

I've never been like this before and I don't know how to handle it. I am scared. I am saddened. I cannot be in situations where I know I will be incredibly stressed or angered without fear of...what? Snapping like a twig and shouting obscenities? Striking someone? Breaking things?

D) all of the above.

Except, actually, when I'm really mad, I don't usually use obscenities. It's one of my quirks. Although when I'm really mad the brain doesn't work so well and sometimes I can't get out the words I want. That just adds to my anger and frustration.

It seem that everything adds to my frustration and anger these days.

I don't know what to do. I'm good, I'm SO good, so VERY GOOD and then I'm not. Everyone has their breaking points, I guess I'm learning where mine are, and God, there are a lot of them.