Oy Vey

"A pessimist, confronted with two bad choices, chooses both." Jewish Proverb

The Fall semester looms on the horizon. The school where I teach starts on Monday. The administration has added an additional week to the semester necessitatin an earlier start date. I long for the days when the Fall semester actually began after Labor Day. Alas, those days are gone.

My classes, the ones that I'm taking, start the following week.

I feel overwhelmed already and suspect that is not a good sign.

This semester starts my practicum which I am excited to begin, but it will add another iron to my fire and, naturally, I am nervous about beginning this new phase. I hope I will do well. I hope I will like the work. And, most of all, I hope I will be able to do it.

Honestly, I don't know if I will be able to handle a regular 9 to 5 schedule. It's been a long time since I worked a schedule like that. 2001 was the first year I taught and for several years I owned and operated a catering company as well. Neither job was 9 to 5. Catering was intense and the hours were, at times, gruelling and much more than 40 hours per week, but it wasn't steady. Steady is the part that scares me.

I can do intense bursts of activity but I need time to recover afterwards. Nine to five gigs don't usually work recovery time into the schedule. Oh, sure, there are weekends, but you have to get through five straight days before you get there. I'm not sure I can do five straight days.

Honestly, I'm really worried about this. Obviously, I don't want to fail at anything I do but especially not the classes I'm taking or my practicum/internship. The problem here is that I also need to work. But that too presents problems. This semester I'm teaching an online class and I'm on the schedule for one regular class. Unfortunately, the "real" class is an hour away, and the class is an hour and a half long. If you've done the math you see that I will be in my car for almost twice the time that I will be teaching. It doesn't seem to be worth the effort.

But. There's always a "but". The school has changed the way it pays adjunct who are teaching online classes. Now, instead of getting paid every two weeks, they will send two checks, one at midsemester and the second after finals. Apparently they think that if you are teaching an online class, you don't have to pay monthly bills. So if I decide not to teach the "real" class, that means I won't see any money until some time in October.

Did I mention that they cancelled my second summer session class for lack of enrollment but denied my unemployment? That means I haven't had a paycheck since...oh....the last week in July.

August. September. October.... that's a LONG time to wait for a paycheck. A long time.

Note the rock and the hard place.

So do I push myself beyond my capabilities? Do I sell out and cut back on the classes I'm taking and try to pick up more classes to teach? Do I just list every single book I own on Amazon marketplace and hope that I sell enough to pay my credit card bill?

There is no good answer. And so, like the proverb, I shall choose both. I will keep the classes I'm already signed up for. It's important that I get through this program sooner rather than later. Hopefully, I can scrounge up enough money for books and hopefully I can make it through the semester without having a total breakdown or collapsing from exhaustion.

In the meantime, I'm going to be getting as much sleep as possible for the next three days.