Friday, August 28, 2009
Lights, Tunnels, Etc.
"It's weird...you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just for one more second...just so it can hurt a little more." Anonymous
The closer I get to real feelings, the less I want to write about them. My grandmother is still not doing well. She should be in a hospital but she won't go. This I understand - I'm the same way.
I'm worried tonight. Everyone in my family dies on Saturdays. Tomorrow is a Saturday.
She's afraid she'll die in the hospital and that's why she's refusing to go.
This is making me...well...it's difficult. My emotions are more intense and less controllable than they used to be and the last month or so has been difficult even without this. Honestly, I don't know how I'll deal with her death. We are close. I grew up in the same house with her. I live next door now.
I wanted to have a baby. I wanted her to meet him or her.
It's possible she will bounce back, but I don't think that will happen. She could die tonight. I hope she doesn't but I also hope that when she does, she goes quietly, in her sleep, without fear, knowing that she is loved.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and am here if you need... anything. ... Jean
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm kind of a mess today. The not quite knowing is very difficult...she could be fine...or not. Trying to be at home as much as possible right now and figuring out what I'm doing with my classes next week.
ReplyDeletei hope she is better. i was very close with my grandmother too so i know how you feel....
ReplyDelete