Head + Ache = :(

"A great wind is blowing, and that gives you either imagination or a headache." Catherine the Great

The headache woke me up this morning. That's fairly common these days, but still, not the way you want to start your morning. The rain might be to blame - there were some massive thunder storms last night and it's been raining off and on all day today.

After a breakfast of painkillers and half a sticky bun, the day got better. I've been working on paintings for an upcoming show. Actually, that could also be a cause of the headache. I may be stressing my neck and shoulders doing the paintings. I'm also just wearing my contacts. (This was brought to my attention last night by my friend Bernadette who asked me if the glasses were making the painting easier.) Duh. It just might. If I were actually wearing them.

I'm taking a bread from the painting to write this and the headache is starting up again. Time to re-dose I guess.

Headaches are one of those things that just take over your life when you're having one. Whenever I'm in the midst of the pain it is impossible for me to remember what it's like to be without pain. In the days immediately following the accident I had the worst headache pain I've ever had. It was unstoppable. Nothing I took even put a dent in it. And it lasted almost a week. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't read. I couldn't move. Everything hurt. Lying down was just as bad as sitting or standing. I'd try to sleep but it hurt so much I couldn't so I sat in a chair "watching" tv till the wee hours. I wasn't really watching but there was not much else I could do.

Those nifty pain level questionaires at the doctors always have a "10" - that's for "the worst pain imaginable". I'm always afraid to check that thinking that maybe there another level of pain but I just haven't imaginied it yet. One doctor described level ten at "suicidal pain," a pain so bad that if it were to continue you would desire to end your life. That first week, I was definitely a ten. If doctors had told me that I would be in that much pain for the rest of my life, I would have definitely done myself in. Still, I think there are people who suffer injuries that are much worse; dismemberment, severe burns, etc. When I think about those people I think I'm a wimp for complaining and should just shut up.

Then I remember that pain is all in your head. It resides in the brain, like everything else we experience, and is entirely subjective. What is a 10 for one person, is only a three for someone else. When I remember that it makes it easier to claim the pain that is mine.

Time to go take another pill and put on my glasses.