Land of Confusion

"If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I must be a genius." Larry Leissner

Yesterday, I drove an hour to an appointment I thought I had, only to find that instead of cancelling today's appointment I had cancelled that appointment (yesterday's). This is hard to follow. I'll try to explain.

Ok. I had a med check appointment with my psychiatrist today. I thought I had an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I wanted, no, needed to see my therapist (it had been a couple weeks, a couple rough weeks since my last appointment) so I called to cancel the psychiatrist appt. which I thought was today. When I showed up yesterday they said I didn't have an appointment, that, in fact, I had called earlier to cancel said appointment.

Ahem.

I said, no, I called to cancel the appointment tomorrow. They said, "No, you're still on the schedule for your appointment tomorrow." I tried to breathe deeply and think good thoughts.

At that point my therapist came into the office and asked what I was doing there. I explained the situation and we all looked at the schedule again and found that yes, they had cancelled my appointment for Monday which I thought was with my therapist but was really with the psychiatrist. Oy. So the appointment that I meant to cancel WAS cancelled it was just not on the day I thought it was on.

Ugh.

Did you follow that?

Oh, and they also discovered that I was scheduled for another appointment on Wednesday with my therapist, which, obviously I didn't need.

ALL very confusing, I know, but it was cleared up and everything was ok in the end.

Even thought everything worked out allright, I still felt like an idiot. This is a shining example of what I do on a daily basis. I get confused. I forget things. I mix up dates and times. If I start a task and the phone rings or I get distracted, odds are that task never gets finished. Not until, usually days later, it occurs to me that I never finished unfortunately, by that time, it's usually too late or I'm missed a deadline or majorly messed up in some way.

I'm trying to streamline things. I'm trying to organize and clean up my workspace. I'm trying to minimize stress and clear out the dead weight.

I work better in low stress, clean designed, minimalistic environments. If I really want to live in a place like that, it means I have to redo my entire house. Minimalistic was not a work that anyone had every used to describe my style. I've always been more of a controlled chaos kind of girl. Now, it's a whole different story.

I need space. I need light. I need someone to come and help me change my entire life.

In the past year I've gotten much better at writing things down so I remember them. My calendar is my best friend. Still, I miss things and that usually leads to debacle's like yesterday's schedule fiasco. Some of it is getting better. Or, I should say, I am getting better at dealing with my new brain and adapting my behaviour to what my head needs. But I am stubborn and don't like change.

Slowly, I learn. That doesn't stop the confusion, or frustration, or screw ups, but hopefully, in time, it will reduce them.