Hell is Where The Heart Is

"I am my own heaven and hell!" J.C.F. von Schiller

I'm in the hell portion right now. Haven't written here for over a week due to time constraints, exhaustion, depression and flat out laziness. I swore I would do this every day. HA! What are promises for but to break, eh?

All hell is breaking loose everywhere I look. Gram's condition is worsening. Now we know she does not have congestive heart failure, but rather, liver failure, most likely autoimmune hepatitis. Which makes me wonder about my high ANA levels over the summer. No, it wasn't Lupus, but dang, could it be AIH? It's genetic, you know.

Doc appointment in November will involve questions to that effect.

Meanwhile, I'm late with everything. Ended up in the hospital with chest pains, and think I may fail out of grad school. Oh, yeah, and I still haven't filed my student loan. The screw up was a communication one, I'd called in August to see if I had to do anything, unsure as I was, whether loans were for calendar years or academic years. Since NO ONE is EVER in any of the offices at the school I left a message. No one called me back, I assumed everything was ok.

Never assume.

So I scramble. I fail to log practicum hours. I get no sleep. I minister to the sickly grandmother.

I get no sleep.

Did I mention I get no sleep.

I can't focus worth a damn, and really need about a week and a half with nothing stressful. Honestly, I think I'd be ok if I could manage that.

I also need to apply for unemployment again, and continue to gather my medical records for my stupid lawyer who has done LESS than my last stupid lawyer who I fired because he wasn't doing anything. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This is why I didn't write here. Nothing but bitching. Nothing illuminating. Nothing helpful. Nothing uplifting. Just crap crap crap crap. But, sadly, that's what it feels like at the moment. An overwhelming pile of endlessly generating crap.

It I didn't have stress, I'd have nothing.