Duh. I Am Smart.

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

Last week I gave a presentation on Gifted Girls in my Lifespan Development class. My opener was asking the class to name some geniuses. They did exactly what I wanted and expected them to do and came up with several dead white males. I wrote them on the board as they called out the names and misspelled three out of five.

At that point I figured I should probably leave out the part about actually being a gifted girl.

I'm struggling at this point with being a smart person with a retarded brain. The work for my classes is piling up and I am, frankly, overwhelmed. Between regular school work and getting enough hours for my practicum and dealing with Gram and my own health crises, there isn't enough time or energy left over for anything else. Sometimes there isn't enough time or energy to even complete those things.

C. and my therapist both think I should speak to my profs about this issue. I'd rather eat a bug.

I've already been late with several assignments this semester. I HAVE talked to them, mostly about the Gram and health issues and they've been very understanding but I do not want to have to go to these people and tell them that now I need MORE help and more time and more exceptions because I'm retarded.

I know, the term "retarded" is not in fashion any longer. Well, I'm taking it back. At least in terms of learning disabilities and developmental delays. Really.... "retarded" is the best term in these cases. "Retarded" means "slowed". "Developmentally delayed" means the same thing as "retarded". Duh.

There really isn't an appropriate term for what I am. Brain damaged is, I guess, the best word for it. I do have brain damage, but that still isn't really descriptive or remotely illuminating, especially in my case where the damage may be, largely, invisible.

I'm ok in class. I can keep up and participate in discussions and I'm sure no one knows there is a problem. Until I have to write something on the board and they see how bad my spelling is. They don't see the typos and rewrites and hours of not being able to concentrate at home. They don't see how after I'm "on" in a class or at work I just collapse at home, barely able to form a sentence.

I don't know how to be both smart and brain damaged. For me, and I think for many people, those two things are mutually exclusive. You can't be both smart and retarded. It just doesn't work like that.

Except for situations like mine, when it does.