Acme Overload (100th Post!)

"Physical pain however great ends in itself and falls away like dry husks from the mind, whilst moral discords and nervous horrors sear the soul" - Alice James

Back in the 70s there was an Acme Market in my hometown. Just like the one in the picture it had a huge wall of windows and I remember it being lit primarily, during the day anyway, by light from the windows. It wasn't a mega-store. Mega-stores didn't exist in the 70s. There weren't hundreds of brands on the shelves. It was just enough.

Our Acme closed, but they still exist in New Jersey and I shopped at one today. Alas, it was not the charming experience like that of my memory. Inexplicably, they were pumping some horrid techno-dance music through the speakers. It was so loud I could actually FEEL the beat. I could think of nothing else; the music was all that existed. Well, the music and the endless rows and rows of food.

It was my own fault, really. I'd stopped at the Acme on my first night here to pick up some supplies and they were playing ridiculously awful music then as well. It was late at night so I'd figured it was a fluke, or the night staff playing fast and loose with the sound system. Apparently, the horrid techno is standard fare.

Techno beats are literally one of the most distracting things in the universe for me now.

I don't know how I managed to get the things I needed. Actually, I didn't the first time. I got some, but not all. It got to the point where I had to leave.

Tonight, it took forever. I wandered around for much longer than it should have taken. Perhaps that's the point, although I didn't see anyone else wandering the aisles looking like a lost puppy.

I used to be able to shop well. I was like a commando on a mission. In, out, one shop, one kill - or something like that. Now, I shop like a man. Slightly confused, lost in the store, distracted, frustrated... the list goes on.

I finished, obviously, but I'm disturbed by my inability to function well in commercial settings. I either lost it and flee the store, or end up buying tons of crap I don't need and, more often than not, forgetting what I'd gone shopping for in the first place. Lists help, but half the time I forget the list, or forget to put everything ON the list.

More and more I think I may need to invest in a smartphone. The idea of having a calendar and lists and reminder alarms all in one place is quite attractive. The downside is that it's just one more thing to misplace, and losing a two hundred dollar phone would ruin my day. I also think that the act of writing, physically marking something down, is more supportive for memory than typing something into a phone.

There must be a better solution, some way to not become completely overwhelmed. It has been suggested that I try Ritalin, but I hate to add to my pharmaceutical cocktail.

This is my 100th post on this blog. It should have been better than this.