"I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it." - Leslie BooneHow distracted am I? Well, I missed my one year blog anniversary. (This was supposed to be a year-long project.) Yeah, I was supposed to write everyday too, we see how that worked out.
One might conclude that if I'd been writing here more often, I would have noticed that I had reached the one year anniversary. You'd be correct.
Still, I suppose it is something to celebrate, even late, even though my posting has been sporadic at best. Do I even bother writing something like, "I'll try to post more often."? Eh. Trying is for losers. Only what you do matters.
I've been sacrificing my health in order to finish my internship. (I've been trying to stay active and eat better.) See what I mean, trying doesn't count for anything. You might as well just replace the word "trying" with "failing".
The hours are uncomfortable for me. Longer than I am able to sustain and remain functional. When I get home, I'm mostly useless. My mountains of paperwork continue to grow. The physical improvements that I was seeing when I was consistently working out and stretching have mostly disappeared. Strange isn't it, that we scramble for jobs so we can afford health insurance in order to pay for medicines and treatments that we wouldn't need if we had more time and energy to take better care of ourselves?
Although I have been enjoying the internship, I look forward to it ending, if only so I can get back in shape, and get back on a normal sleep schedule. I'm sleeping, at best, two hours in a row, then waking, eventually falling back to sleep, sleeping two hours, waking...all through the night. It's not the most conducive to rest and restoration.
I don't know what is next for me after this internship ends. I don't know what kind of work I will a) be lucky enough to find, and b) be able to sustain. Staying in school, in a doctoral program, was a great way to hide. I could stay in school for another 5 years and not have to worry about "getting a real job" and trying to fit my broken brain into a "normal" work week. Either way, it looks like I will have a bit of time once I'm finished before I re-enter the workforce.
Even if I do get hired, it's probably going to be a contract position which will only pay if a client actually shows up. Yes, I've seen others in these types of positions sit around all day waiting for clients and have NO ONE show up. Since these are contractor jobs, I'll be paying for my own insurance, etc. This is if I'm even lucky enough to get one of these. Locally, one of the biggest social services companies just fired a slew of people. There are plenty of folks out there with more experience who will be after the same jobs I want.
I hope this was the correct choice. I hope all this "research" I've been doing can be of benefit to someone.
Oh, yeah, and "YAY!" for the Mildlytraumatic year anniversary! I guess I should change the tag-line if I'm going to continue this.
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I've read your blog for a few months now, and the pictures and quotes you choose to associate with it often intrigue me. In this case, I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Maybe I'm just really tired or maybe it's really that funny--I'll probably have a better idea in the morning. (Or I guess I should say "later this morning.") In any case, I hope you were equally amused when you chose it, and that it provided you a little relief from your troubles. I don't know that I believe laughter is really the best medicine, but it will have to do until someone serves cake.
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